What Is Stalking?
Stalking is a scary and, unfortunately, a fairly common occurrence. Stalking consists of a pattern of violating behaviors that include harassment and unwanted attention that can cause distress. There are different methods that stalkers use, and the intensity of the stalking can intensify quickly.
Stalking Awareness Day is exactly how it sounds; it is meant to bring awareness to stalking and to help bring resources to those who need them. The day was established by Debbie Riddle in response to her sister Peggy Klinke’s being murdered by a stalker in 2003. Debbie wanted to make sure that the issue of stalking was brought to light, to educate others on how dangerous being stalked can be, and to help create communities for those who are experiencing or have experienced stalking.
“Peggy had a sparkling personality and would light up a room. As the stalking continued and continued, we saw that shine fade.” – Debbie Riddle.
Common Reasons For Stalking
Every stalker has their own reasons for stalking, and it can vary on a case-by-case basis; however, here are some of the more common reasons as to why stalking might happen:
- The urge to have control and power over another person
- Being rejected by the victim in an intimate or interpersonal way
- Wanting to gain a sense of revenge
- Unhealthy coping for loneliness
- Mental health problems, such as delusional beliefs
- Gratification in being able to stalk someone
Different types of stalkers
While no stalker is the same as the other, stalkers do tend to have a large variety of motives that they might have, as well as actions and psychological factors that can come into play. Here are a few of the different types of stalkers that are more common:
- The rejected stalker:
- The rejected stalker might be an ex-partner or friend who might feel humiliated, or even entitled to the victim. They can use several different types of stalking methods, especially unwanted contact and attempts to get back together or reconcile.
- The resentful Stalker wanting revenge:
- The resentful stalker tries to gain control and power over their victims by seeking retribution after they believe that they have been wronged or humiliated by their victim.
- The intimacy stalker seeks connection:
- Stalkers who are seeking intimacy from their victims typically have delusional beliefs that can stem from mental health issues. They can also feel entitled to the victim’s affection and might send the victim gifts, letters, or show up to the victim’s home despite the victim’s direct rejections, or even restraining orders.
- The erotomanic stalker:
- The erotomanic stalker is a bit similar to intimacy stalkers; however, their obsessions are focused on celebrities or high-status individuals, despite never having met the person, and the victim not knowing who the stalker is. They hold delusional beliefs that can include the famous person being secretly in love with them, or that they send signals to confirm this love. They often violate boundaries and can send gifts or letters to their victims.
- The Predatory stalker:
- The predatory stalker often has a motive behind their stalking, rather than an emotional obsession. Their stalking of their victims can often be a setup for criminal actions, such as assault, violence, and abduction. They often seek power and control, and can get gratification out of their stalking habits. They typically like to stay hidden and unknown until they want to complete the criminal act that they have been planning.
- The Cyber stalker:
- A cyber stalker likes to use the internet to harass their victims, often relying on digital tools like social media and email to track, harass, and intimidate their victims. They can do dangerous online actions such as doxing, hacking, catfishing, and spread false information to create fear in their victims.
Signs That You Are Being Stalked
- Being watched or followed knowingly or unknowingly
- Frivolous contact w/ phone calls, texts, etc.
- Tracking you with technology, hacking, spyware, and GPS
- Threats and intimidation
- Showing up at places you frequent uninvited
- Two or more suspicious actions that create fear
- Stalking behaviors escalating in aggression
- Receiving unwanted gifts
What To Do If Someone Is Stalking You
- Protect your personal information online
- Keep social media private
- Don’t post your routines (like going to the gym on certain days)
- Utilize two-factor authentication
- Utilize anti-virus systems
- Protect personal information offline
- Only give out info to people that you trust
- Utilize a private mail box
- Don’t display your name on your house
- Avoid personalized license plates
- Utilize a privacy screen
- Inform other people
- Friends/ family
- Neighbors
- Supervisor
- Security at the workplace
- Do not contact the stalker
- Update personal security
- Use a different daily routine
- Have a walking partner, especially at night
- Update people you trust on your location
- Lock your car, and make sure there isn’t someone hiding in it before entering
- Always have a phone to call for help with
- Carry a personal duress alarm
- Join a self-defense class
- Invest in a security system for your residence
Stalking can be a traumatic and stressful situation for the victims. Because of Debbie Riddle, we now have a day where we can spread information on stalking, raise awareness, and share resources for those who are impacted by stalking. There are different types of stalkers with different reasons for stalking and tactics that they might use. It is important to remember to take precautions to avoid being stalked, as well as precautions to take if you are being actively stalked. Bear Creek Counseling is happy to support those who are or have been affected by stalking.
Resources:
Crisis Hotlines & Immediate Support
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
- 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or text START to 88788. Available online chat as well.
RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline:
- 800-656-HOPE (4673) or Chat
Loveisrespect (for teens & young adults):
- 1-866-331-9474, or text “loveis” to 22522
- 1-855-484-2846 for calls or text. Chat option on their website.
- Serves any victims of crimes and stalking victims assistance specialists to help them learn about their options with confidentiality and empathy.
- 844-878-2274
- Assists those who are victims of NCP (revenge pornography) or sextortion with empathetic representatives who can provide support, information, and referrals.
Local Resources:
Utah Coalition Against Sexual Assault:
- Provides resources for sexual assault victims, including sexual assault testing kit tracking, a hotline, LGBTQIA+ resources, and rape crisis centers.
- Provides a variety of resources, including an emergency shelter that provides emergency housing, food, case management, and a hotline.
Online Safety Resources:
C.A. Goldberg Law: Victim’s Rights Law Firm
- Provides leagal services and resources for victims of cyber stalking, NCP, and similar issues.
- Provides trainings and seminars for victims that address how to stay safe online and preventing online abuse.
- Provides you the resources needed to remove your personal information from sources that expose your personal information.
National Cybersecurity Alliance
- Provides education and resources to help people stay informed on how to keep their information safe.
